Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
