Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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