What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
