He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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