honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
