I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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