I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
