just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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