I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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