i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am available for nakedness
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
