Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
