She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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