i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
