what day is it and did you see me today?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize