You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
