..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
