You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
