Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who died my cat blue again?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
