i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
