she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
