I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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