Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
