I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
3pm strippers are depressing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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