I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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