Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
