pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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