I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
