My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
