Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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