I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
