She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
