Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
