He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
