We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
