From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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