My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
