Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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