So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
