Heybabeimwearingurpanties
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
