i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There r osticjed everywhere
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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