You can't motorboat a personality
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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