im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
