What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
