One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize