Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
