There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't make out with my wife yet
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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