You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
