apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
