If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
