At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
