Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
