How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
