Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
