I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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