My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm like, not good at living.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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