He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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