a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
