Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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