if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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