okay pat passed out under dana's car
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
