I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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