There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
