just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Operation Purity has been aborted
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
