So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
