My nipple is on Facebook.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
