there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
