My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
