We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
