I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
