based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
