i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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