Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
