I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
