I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
God I need to hump something, right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
