is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
