Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
