I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
