so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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